1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
