I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
