On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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