There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
