Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
