So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
