Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
