I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
