My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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