I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize