So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
