Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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