i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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