Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I just found puke in my bra..
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
