Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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