you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I am midnight drunk by noon
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
