I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
