Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
