I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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