I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
