i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I cut my penus on the lid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize