Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I love you.
Bad choice
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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