Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
