is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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