well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
