Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Randomize
