May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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