Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
