Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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