If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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