I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Drunk is a universal language darling
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
