Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
