people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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