eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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