Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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