just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I need water and some morals
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize