I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
