So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
