Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize