woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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