Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
MIDGETS
????
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
