Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
