as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
