Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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