i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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