One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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