Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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