What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
