I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize