bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
