you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize