I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
home. puking in laundry basket.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize