Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"

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(630): View more from Illinois

dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!

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(970): View more from Colorado

i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final

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(808): View more from Hawaii

white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"

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(517): View more from Michigan

He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.

(978): View more from Massachusetts

Thats a chance were just gonna have to take

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair

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(512): View more from Texas

I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.

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(437): View more from

sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life

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