The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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