she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
