Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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