I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
