College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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