I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
