I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
