Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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