one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
