My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
