I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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