dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
this boner is exhausting
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
