Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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