I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
