he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
