update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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