So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
