hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
