im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
