well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
